Wouldn't It Be Nice (A Post About Giving)

Since we are right in the swing of Holiday season with every ones celebrations happening this week I have been thinking a lot about what the best gift to give is. 

I think that, like it or not, I am giving out a lot of forgiveness this time around. 

In many aspect of my life, I tend to forgive far too easily. To the point where I have been trampled on by those I have handed it out to. 

There are many however, that I have had no reason to give my forgiveness to anymore. They are people who have been forgiven by myself, and many others too many times, enabling them to continue on their reckless, destructive path. I like many others, really never gave them forgiveness out of the kindness of my heart, but by making excuses for their behavior. 

Some of those people read what I write here, some do not even know this blog exists. To all of those people, I forgive you. For the things that hurt me, and others near and dear to me. 

I always have come to the point where my easy forgiveness builds up to frustration and resentment. I am putting that behind me, and truly from the bottom of my soul forgiving these people, and I am sure, actually I know for a fact, I have hurt some of these people. For that, to all of you, I am deeply sorry. I do not expect you to forgive me, now, or even ever. Forgiveness cannot be forced, or coerced, but only given freely, from the heart. 

I also want to give the people the gift of reminding them, that no matter what has transpired in your life, it all happens for a reason. 

The relationships you have lost, the fights you have lost, the material things you never received, all of it, every little bit of it, happened for a reason. 

Sometimes, a relationship ends because it wasn't meant to last forever, even if that's what you thought you wanted, but because that person was brought to you to teach you something valuable, or in some way bring a gift to your life, that without them wouldn't exist. 

A close friendship ended because you grew apart, but the wonderful memories will never leave you. 

A loved one has gone from you, to show you what is precious about life. 

Please keep in mind, that in life we never stop learning. 

There will be grief, to remind us how much it means to be happy, hardships, so that we appreciate when we prosper,  broken hearts, so we can be more careful with who we give our hearts to, tears, so that smiles warm our souls, illness so that we can take our good health for granted, and cloudy days, so that the flowers can really bloom when the sun shines!

Happy Hanukkah

Merry Christmas

Happy Kwanzaa

Blessed Yule

Happy Holidays

Peace and Love

B

Dreaming

The only part of sleep that I enjoy is dreaming. 

Being well rested is a myth in my life, but dreaming is simply amazing!

Sometimes I dream of horrible things, and am grateful when I wake up that it didn't really happen, and am very comforted with the fact that it was merely a dream. 

Other times, I have a dream so amazing, I hate to have to wake up. 

I had one of the later last night while sleeping. It was pure perfection and I would rather stay in that dream like state for eternity. It was truly a dream come true within a dream. 

Other times, I have dreams that seem so real, I open my eyes thinking it really did happen. Sometimes, that is good, sometimes not so much. 

Some people say there is an explanation to everything that appears in your dreams, and sometimes, I feel that is true, but I do not believe that it is true in ever dream. 

I know what my recent dreams are telling me, and I wish real life would mirror my dreams. 

Then again, sometimes things in real life seem to be dreams. Sometimes, things are so wonderful that you feel it can't be real and you must be dreaming, and hope to not wake up! There are people in your life who seem like a dream come true, and others that feel like a nightmare come true. 

That's all... my boring Monday diatribe about dreams, because that is what is on my mind right now. Sorry if I wasted your time.

Peace and Love

B

Gonna Write A Law

Yes, I am. I have been known to go on political tangents in the past, I am not going to lie. 

I even wrote to the President and first lady after finding out about the economic bill of rights, and learning what an amazing idea it was, yet never officially implemented. Did I get anywhere? No, but, at least i made an attempt. 

So do you want to hear my new cause? Are you sitting down? Now please, read this entire post through before deciding I need medication. If you want to argue with me, go for it, if you agree with me, help me out!

I want to rally to get a law passed that says that victims of violent crimes,  do not have to testify against their abuser. They should have the choice, not be forced or face jail!

I understand that some people feel empowered by testifying against their abuser, and to those that feel this way, I say, more power to you! However, there are others that are terrified by just the thought of having to get up in front of not only their abuser, but an entire room full of strangers.

I also know for a fact that when you first report domestic abuse, you are forced to re-tell your story over and over again. So many agencies get involved, and they all want to hear from you what happened, so that they can help you. This I understand, but what I don't think many people do understand is that everytime you have to re-tell the experience you went through, you have to relive every second, every word, every pain, all the horror. So, instead of having to go through this just once, you have to go through it numerous times. 

Then, months go by, and you think your life is going back to normal a little, just to be informed you are being forced to go through this all over again! The dread eats away at you from the inside out. You can't eat, you can't sleep, and you just want time to stop!

So I feel that victims of violent crimes, not just domestic violence, should have the choice to testify, or not. 

No person should be forced to relive such a nightmare, or face imprisonment! 

Think about it

Peace and Love

B

Contentment

Why don't people just let themselves be happy in relationships?

I have realized in my old age that it is something with most people, that whether consciously or subconsciously they refuse to stay happy in a relationship.

Lets look at a typical relationship. 

Month 1 - 2  ~ Honeymoon phase ~

The new person you are with can do no wrong. You overlook any flaw. You think the sun shines out of their ass.  

Every kiss is the best kiss you have ever had, every thing that comes out of their mouth is laced with gold and diamonds. They can literally do NO WRONG! People can point their flaws out to you, no matter how obvious, you don't see them. They are absolutely perfect!

Month 3 - 6  ~ Houston We Have A Problem ~

Okay, this is the phase that creeps up on you. The perfect person left the room, and Holy Shit you are with a human being?!!! Oh no! They make mistakes! They say things wrong, they have bad moods, they let you down. This is also the phase in which you start second guessing your relationship. If you have a strong foundation, and are together for the right reasons, this isn't an issue. However, if this is a rebound relationship, or, lets face it, you just were not ready, but you were lonely, this is where the shit hits the fan!

This is the stage where you see the smallest flaw and turn it into the WORST THING EVER!! "I can't deal with this anymore, he leaves his dirty clothes on the floor, I mean yeah he picks them up later in the day, but I cannot waste my time with a person that leaves dirty clothes on the floor, I will not live in a hamper, I am so done with him!!!" or "She talks really fast man, I am really starting to think she is a robot, or an alien, Oh damn, what if she decides to probe me in my sleep, or just wants to use me to make alien / human offspring? I am no science experiment, I am done man, done"

At some point people need to take responsibility for the end of a relationship instead of projecting it onto another. Also, don't make the other person feel like shit because it isn't working for you..

Try to find some contentment in what you have, unless you absolutely can't stand whats happening. Try to remember that not so long ago, you were crazy about this person. 

For those of you who coast over the Houston we have a problem phase, congrats! You are very lucky indeed! You obviously got into your current relationship when you were ready, with someone you didn't just settle for, and for the right reasons. I am happy for you. Now stop gloating and tell a friend to smarten up about their current messed up circumstance. 

Peace and Love

B

Termites

Termites are just pouring out of the woodwork!!

By Termites, I mean men who apparently can't be satisfied with being my friend!

To any of these men that follow my blog, I have a boyfriend! I am very happy with him and am not on the market! Actually most of you Termites know this, in fact, I believe all of you know this! 

**** PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT CAREFULLY!****

1. "HI" IS NOT SECRET CODE FOR "I WANT TO LEAVE MY BOYFRIEND FOR YOU"

2. "HOW WAS YOUR DAY" IS NOT SECRET CODE FOR "MAKE OUT WITH ME"

3. MOST OF MY FRIENDS ARE GUYS, IF YOU JUST WANT A PIECE OF ASS DON'T BOTHER TALKING TO ME

4. TELLING ME I AM ATTRACTIVE WILL NOT GET ME IN BED.

5. GIVING ME BEER WILL NOT GET ME IN BED.

6. I AM NOT WILLING TO CHEAT ON, OR LEAVE MY BF FOR ANY OF YOU, SO JUST STOP.

7. IF ANY OF THESE ARE TOO DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND I CAN DIRECT YOU TO MY NUMEROUS LOVED ONES WHO HAVE SERVED TIME IN JAIL AND OR PRISON, AND WHO ALSO HAVE AFFILIATIONS WITH CERTAIN FRATERNITY'S MORE THAN WILLING TO HELP ME OUT IN THIS ASPECT! 

8. YOU MAY ALSO WANT TO KEEP IN MIND THAT I HAVE 5 BROTHERS. IF YOU THINK I AM A CRAZY BITCH, JUST TELL THEM THE SHIT YOU HAVE BEEN TELLING ME, TRUST ME WHEN I TELL YOU I LOOK LIKE THE SANE ONE!

Please just respect the fact that I am not a piece of meat, and that I am in a happy relationship. If you can be my friend, and keep it at that, cool. If not, don't even bother. PLEASE!

Peace and Love

B

How Do I Do This

As I have stated before, I have intentionally turned myself into ice. 

I did this with purpose. 

I did this for protection.

I have to a point where, unfortunately I don't know how to thaw. 

I did not realize this would be a problem, I honestly did not think that I would ever have a desire to thaw, but, the fact remains that I do.

Recently, I have been having some warm feelings, here and there. To be quite blunt about it, those feelings scare the hell out of me. So, I suppress them. I have been putting a lot of effort into this Siberian suppression. 

A very good friend of mine keeps telling me to listen to what I am feeling, and to stop burying these feelings, and just admit them already. I can't do that. 

It isn't that I don't want to, it is that I have forgotten how.

You see I have put so much effort into refusing that this warm loving part of me exists, that I think that part of me may be forever gone. 

There have been a few times recently I have attempted sharing my feelings, and showing my warmth, what little there is left. The problem is, the second I start, I instantly regret it, and want to just crawl into a hole and go back into my icey shell. 

My own mother informed me tonight that I need to open up. She also pointed out, that I have always opened up and been very loving. I then decided to point out to her exactly where that has gotten me in the past. 

Why would I even want to set myself up for that again? 

On the other hand...

What am I missing by staying cold and closed off?

I am not expecting a response from any of my readers, just putting the thoughts from my fucked up mind out there into the stratosphere. 

Please... if you have read this, do yourself a favor, and don't force yourself into a frozen tundra. It is lonely, and cold, and nobody can visit you there. Stay gold pony boy, stay gold.

I Love Nathaniel Hawthorne

Okay, now that that is out of the way...

My favorite works also happen to be his most read, The House Of Seven Gables, and The Scarlet Letter.

I want to talk about The Scarlet Letter a little. I just re-read it, for the umpteenth time, and was really putting a lot of thought into the major theme of the book.

For those of you who have never read The Scarlet Letter, shame on you, go to the library and read the damn thing, or if you trust me, go buy a copy, it is amazing! Hawthorn's words melt in you mind like butter on a hot biscuit.

The book is about a woman Hester Prynne who is punished for the crime of adultery by being made to wear... you guessed it, a scarlet letter A on her clothing. He much older is husband is assumed dead and she gives birth to a daughter. She refuses to name the father, but come to find out, he is the town minister.

So, what I really want to talk about, is this; How in just a few centuries has the crime of adultery gone from being a crime punishable by forced lifelong ridicule, or even death, to just another side note in every tabloid?

I do think that such severe punishment by our forefathers was absolutely ridiculous, but why does nobody care anymore?

I have been cheated on, and let me tell you, I would rather die then go through that pain again. What though may I ask happens to the adulterer? What they lose your trust? Well, obviously it wasn't that important to them in the first place.

I am not saying that we should re-criminalize adultery, but I also don't think it should be looked upon the same as any other day to day petty incident.

I also, do not agree that Hester was an adulteress. I believe, she truly believed her husband dead, and fell in love with another. She did the right thing, and admitted what she had done, and, raised the child with no help, while still carrying the burden of her "crime" daily.

I am grateful that we have evolved from the time of the puritans. I think they were far to judgmental and punished too easily. Does that however mean that in comparison, we now live in a lawless society?

The Fortress

Okay.....

When may I ask is it okay to change because of another person. Please pay attention to my wording here, I am not saying for another person, I am saying because of another person.   Please notice the difference. 

Say you choose to put up walls, so as to not let another person in. I mean nobody. You spend all this time over years, slowly building up this solid foundation, then these seemingly impenetrable walls.  You only built these walls for your own protection, like a fortress, you don't want to get hurt, so you build and build and build. 

Then, you meet this person, and, somehow, they have a chisel. Not a sledgehammer, not a bulldozer, but a chisel. Because it is only a chisel, you don't notice, when they start chiseling away at the walls.... until, they get to the foundation, and then crisis strikes! You think to yourself, how did I let this person get so close to breaking down my walls? All that is left is that sturdy foundation. 

Now, the big question is... Do you start to rebuild the walls, while the foundation is still standing? Or, do you allow them to continue with the chisel, and break it all down?

So, the big question here folks is.... When you are chiseled to only a foundation, do you A. Rebuild, stronger, more fortified. or B. Just let the whole dam thing come crumbling down, and see what happens?

Think on it. 

Peace and Love

B

Outside The Box

I am the girl who lives outside the box. I have never been in the box, and never intend to be.
People have attempted to stuff me into them, but I do not fit.

So I read in the November Cosmo, that many people, women in particular, born after 1980 are having issues feeling their lives are adequate. This is blamed on teachers giving better grades than should have been given, and our generation being told the were good at things even when they weren't just so our feelings wouldn't be hurt.
They also place a lot of blame on social media, and not just Facebook, but also Twitter, and Blogs.

I have to admit, I see it happen to people I know. I want to shake those people.

Everyone posts about when things are perfect and wonderful, not many of us have the balls to tell our "friends" when things go shitty, and life just sucks.

Guess what? Nobody has a picture perfect, hallmark card life. It is a fact!

I like everyone to know when I am happy, sure, but only because they also see when I fuck up, fall down, or am just plain old pissy.

I know I don't have the life everyone dreams of, but I also know that nobody else does either. Why can't we all just be honest, and stop faking it?

Also, Cosmo coincidentally is declaring November 4 No Faking It day, urging women to stop faking orgasms. I am not even going to go in to that subject, I have better things to talk about with the world (shout out to my Russians). How about we instead declare a No Bullshit Day, where nobody is allowed to lie about their lives, or be posers.

Calling my fellow freaks, I declare EVERYDAY, be who you really are day!

How can you ever expect the Love and Respect of others, when you can't even show them who you REALLY are!?

I wonder who will step up to the challenge???

Peace and Love,
B

Switching Between Two

I doubt this will interest anyone, but I feel the need to let these thoughts flow out of me. 

I used to be the sweet, good natured girl that everyone walked all over. Everyone liked that girl, and when I say everyone, I mean everyone. Life happened though, and that girl got encased in a shell.

To an extent I know how I come across to people. I know that some people do not like that I will say whats on my mind. Some people love it. 

I was told the other day that someone mentioned that I was likable, but that they wouldn't want to mess with, ever! The wise person who told me this said that they never thought they would hear that said about me, but that they knew that I changed for good reason.

I have grown this hard outer shell in order to avoid getting hurt. Because unfortunately I have been hurt over and over, in every way imaginable. 

I have developed in myself a defense mechanism, that I cannot say that I like. I didn't even realize I had acquired this until very recently. What I do is, I disallow myself too much attachment to others. I realize I don't just keep people at an arms length, I keep them at a football field length. I rationalize this by saying to myself "Bon, don't get too attached, don't let them in, they are going to hurt you eventually." As I said, I do not like that I do this. I want to stop doing this. I have reason to want to stop, I just don't exactly know how. 

I also imagine the worst scenario happening when I feel I am getting too close to someone, or letting them in. I invent this little scenario in my head, like "Well I am going to let them in and they will leave, or find something better (there are plenty of things way better), or hurt me." I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't think the worst of people, or put the mistakes of others on these people. 

I think the reason I am just now realizing that I do this, is because I see that I am doing it right now. The old me, the nice girl encased in the shell, sees this great person right in front of her, I want to be able to get closer.... but, the defense mechanism kicks in and I am keeping them away. Not pushing away, but keeping my distance. 

I realized yesterday that I missed this person, which surprised me. I do not let myself miss anyone besides my kids. Maybe... I am finding a balance. I hope so, even if it just with one person.  If anyone has any thoughts on this, let me know. I love feedback, and I would love to know how to soften my soul. 

Peace and Love

B

Для моих русских читателей

Вы для вашего внимания. Мой блог международные спасибо к вам. Пожалуйста препятствуйте мне знать чего вы хотел были бы увидеть. Я думал что я напишет вас экстренныйый выпуск благодарит вас к вам в вашем собственном языке.

Пожалуйста держите прочитать мой блог, и чувствуйте свободно ввести к мне, я полюбил знать кого вы! Мир и влюбленность

The obstacles of being a mommy ~ A list

The following is a list of the things that you get used to, but never thought you would have to, while being a Mommy. These are the things the parenting books don't tell you. Enjoy!

1. Going to the bathroom - Seems like an easy enough task that everyone does right? Not for a mommy. It doesn't matter if the bathroom has been empty ALL day, the second I close and lock the door, and sit down on the damn toilet, One of my lovely children starts banging on the door crying "Mommy I have to go right now or I'm gonna have an accident". Silly me, in the past, tried to call their bluff, and continued going potty myself, telling them to hold it. Guess what? I came out to have to bath and re dress a child. I swear they will themselves to pee the second I sit down. It also doesn't matter what time day or night, EVERY TIME!

2. Going to bed - Now from previous entries you all know by now that I am an insomniac. There is the rare occasion however when I do have the ability to sleep like a normal person, sadly on those occasions, at least one of my children are up for some reason or another. Mommy isn't allowed to EVER sleep~

3. Having a conversation - GOOD GOD MOMMY IS TALKING TO ANOTHER GROWN UP! MUST CONSTANTLY INTERRUPT SO SHE CANNOT KEEP HER TRAIN OF THOUGHT!!!! SCARE THE PERSON AWAY BY MAKING THEM THINK MOMMY IS CRAZY AND DUMB!!!!

4. Eating hot food - I have a memory of eating hot food, but I am getting to the point of thinking it is only a myth. Even if we eat out I do not get hot food. The Koala  has to go potty, then upon returning to the table, so does Bean, return again, and Tigger is refusing to eat because there is lettuce on his sandwich, so in order for him to eat Mommy has to peel the little shreds of lettuce off, then the Koala spills her drink and I have to get her more, then Bean is still hungry and needs to share Mommy's food, that by this time is luke warm at best.

5. A Hot Bath - I have managed this on a few occasion, but only after 2 am and before 5 am. Good luck if you have light sleepers, the running water may either A. Wake them, or B. make them pee themselves.

6. Get clean clothes - I do the laundry, so you would think I would ALWAYS have clean clothes. Wrong! My clothes are washed last, always. I probably smell funny at this point in parenthood lol.

~~~~I have more, if you like this list, I will add to it.~~~~

**** I wouldn't trade motherhood for any of these "given" luxury's, just so you know, I now just have a bladder of steal, never eat, and smell badly, with no friends haha****

Just Let It Pour

This posting may not interest anyone. I don't care. I am utilizing this blog to pour out the mess of thoughts in my brain. This just happens to be what has been on my mind as of late. 

Lately I have been putting a lot of thought into relationships. Now please, do not take this to me romantic or physical relationships. I am speaking of all kinds of relationships. Everyone has many, whether they acknowledge them or not is up to them. 

My feeling is that ALL relationships, regardless of how long they last, shape, change, and define you. 

Stop and think about the relationships you have, or have had. Everyone of those relationships has impacted who you are as a person. 

There are people who only lasted in my life for what now seems like a nano second, but I know they affected me. There are also people, who are still  in my life in some way or another, who at one time felt like my world. 

Friendships that you never saw ending, but in time people change, and sometimes, just grow apart. 

Life takes us in different directions Everyone of you reading this has lost a friend over time because you or they, or both changed. I have many of those. I cherish the memories, and appreciate that they changed me. 

Even our families change us. For example, when I was  growing up, I was teased by my parents and siblings for being the clumsy / ditsy one. Although I have been told differently many times in my adult life, I continue to look at myself as clumsy and not all that bright. My younger sister was always the smart one, and I am sure, that is why she is to this very day, an overachiever. The smallest things impact our lives. 

Even our past and or present significant others impact us. Unfortunately, I have had nothing but shitty relationships in the past, and I am in a small way grateful for it, because I went from being a naive girl afraid of my own shadow, to a strong woman who doesn't take shit from anyone. Another impact they had, is that I find it harder to open up about my feelings, and am far less trusting. I feel jaded by these people in my past, and hope to find a balance. 

I know that no matter how shitty any relationship ends, there was a lesson in it, and good memories along the way. Nothing is shitty 100% of the time. There is a silver lining in every situation. Maybe sometimes you have to get through the marsh to find the ocean. 

I hope everyone trudges through the marsh, and doesn't give up, because, to be honest, nothing can give you more peace and tranquility, than that first glimpse of the ocean.

A Tough Cookie Filled with Marshmallow.....

So my younger sister informed me today that she described me as a tough cookie with marshmallow insides.  I guess that is pretty appropriate.
I know I put on a harsh outer wall, and try my damndest to not let anyone in. I don't do this because I really don't want to let people in. I do it because I have been hurt, a lot. I guess you could say it is a defense mechanism.
When I was younger, I was pure sugar inside and out. I was also very naive. I let people walk all over me, and trust me, they did!
I do not want to come across to anyone as a bitch, because, I really am not.
A little twisted? You could say that. It is all really a matter of opinion. Some of the things that spark my interest are, I admit a little dark, but, that is who I have always been.
I have too big a heart to ever intentionally hurt anyone.

I have worked for quite sometime now to be an ice queen, as I have said before. I think I am failing at it. That is okay with me.

I am in a happy place right now, and am very happy with what is going on in my life. Things are starting to fall into place in many areas, and it's about damn time.

I have decided to let go of the past 100%. I am not going to let the people that hurt me continue. They are history, just a bad memory.

Where Are My Rights Going?

Okay, so I have some issues with some stuff I have seen on Facebook recently.

I keep seeing posts about how we must abolish the right a woman has to an abortion.
Everyone posting this has been female!
I cannot wrap my mind around this!

Did anyone else learn in history class about suffrage or Women's Lib?

Here is my issue. First please do not think I even like the idea of abortion. Personally, it isn't an option for me, nor has it ever been. In fact when I was pregnant with my youngest, I had stage three cancer, and my doctor urged me to have an abortion, to save my own life. I chose not to. My stand point was that at that point I had had twenty four years to live, why shouldn't my child have the same opportunity?

I knew I couldn't live with myself if I did it. We both lived, so it was a happy ending, but there was a good chance that wouldn't have been the case.

Let me say that I DO NOT agree with women using abortion as a form of birth control! If you can't use protection, and you want to get laid, you can deal with the consequences. I have known of many women that get knocked up, and just run to a clinic and have an abortion because "they weren't ready to be a mom". Well, if you aren't ready to take care of a child, then stitch your damn vagina up, close up shop! Or, here is a bright idea... take a tiny pill once a day, or, make the guy wrap it up! There are countless forms of birth control!

There are some instances where I feel abortion is a valid option. When the mother is a victim of rape, and the fetus is the product of that rape. When the mother and or child is in medical danger, or when you know far ahead of time that when that baby is born it will only live in pain and never really live.

I know of someone who gave birth to a child who has never been more than a vegetable, and has suffered in pain and misery their entire life, the doctors knew this would be the case and urged the parents to terminate the pregnancy. They felt they were already "to attached" and refused. Now they have been waiting for their young child to die the child's entire life.

When it comes down to it, we as citizens of the United States Of America we have rights.

I believe in the right to choose!

My mother taught me growing up that with everything in life, there is a choice! Which choice you make depends on you, and affects, you!

Don't take that option away, because you feel some people abuse it, or because your bible tells you it is wrong!

If you don't that there is that option out there, make the choice to not choose that for yourself, but DO NOT tell others that they can't make that choice!

Maybe I should start being ridiculous on my facebook page and say that I feel it should be illegal to take over the counter medication, because there are holistic options that are better for you. IF YOU USE TYLENOL YOU SHOULD GO TO JAIL!!!!!

How well do you think that will go over???

Lost In My Return Of Saturn, Or Finding Myself In It?

Not going to rant, or talk about randomness, which I do quite often, just going to spew out some thoughts about where I am and where I am going.

Not that anyone cares, hell do I even care? Sometimes. 

I wonder sometimes what kind of impression I put out? What do different people pick up from meeting me? What parts of me do they see?

I wonder sometimes if anyone thinks I am attractive. Does it matter at this point? Is it all down hill from here and should I just become a shut in? Or, should I try harder?

Sometimes I just say to myself, "screw it, take me as I am or leave me the fuck alone" but other times I want to feel attractive. 

Do people get a great first impression, and then get to know me and say "this isnt the same chick" or is it the other way around?

I have regrets. painful memories, and some things hurt to think about. I want to find my center, and sometimes I think I have found it, other times it feels miles away.

I am constantly evolving as I am sure you all are. I just wonder sometimes if I will be satisfied enough to stop.

Everything people think I am, I am. These qualities have developed and evolved over time.

I am a bitch
I am a sweetheart
I am generous
I am loving
I am cold
I am quiet
I am loud
I am grounded
I am crazy

I am sure you could all add to this list, and I am sure there are a ton of other qualities both good and bad.

All I know, is at this point, I am the only person who knows it all when it comes to me. I am an open book, and like everyone else, I am just trying to find out the complexities of myself. Maybe, when I do eventually figure it all out, I will share it.

Much Love and Peace to all 

Right Or Left Brained

Okay, so, as some of you who know me know, and now I suppose the rest of you will, I Went to college for quite a few things. 

It isn't that I couldn't find myself, I knew where I was. I just have many different areas of interest. I went to school first for Art, which I received my associates degree. A lot of good that does me right? So I went back first for Early Childhood Education, but, I was paying for everything on my own, and they passed the No Child Left Behind bill, and you have to have your masters to teach. I agree with that law, but knew I couldn't afford to go to school that long unless I didn't want to graduate until the age of 70. 

So I changed my major to Political Science, which I fell in love with! I also excelled at it! Go me right? Well I got really sick and had to take an incomplete for the entire semester, and was discouraged. 

I then got married, had two babies, and that threw a wrench in my plans of an education. After my third child was born, I said to myself, "self, you want your kids to be proud of you, and not be discouraged by whatever life throws them right? Get your ass back in school".

Back to school I went, While raising three small children and working full time! This time, for my Bachelors of Science, Psychology with an emphasis in substance abuse. I chose this for personal reasons, which I may or may not get into at some later date. I didn't want to work with addicts, I wanted to work with their families. Substance abuse affects the entire family, not just the abuser. 

So I went back, and am currently on a few short credits away from my degree. Then I intend on achieving my masters, and maybe one day, when I am 70, my PhD.

So any who... growing up you hear a lot about which side of your brain you use. If you use your left you are more artistic, etc. Right, you are more analytical. 

As a quazi educated woman I can tell you all, there is no proof of this. Yes certain areas of your brain respond depending on different stimuli, but, that does not mean that you are the next Da Vinci because you are a lefty. 

I know many right hand dominant musicians, painters etc. I also know some lefties that couldn't draw a smiley face if you gave them a million dollars. 

It comes down to, some Doctor suggested this theory and it gained momentum to the point where even today, the urban legend or whatever you want to call it has snowballed to the point it is taught to sixth graders in science class!

Give me your thoughts. Maybe we can do a Psych study on this. 

~*~*~*~ Don't forget to click on a link and get me 50 cents! Love to all ~*~*~*~*~*

My Crazy Koala

This Post is going to be about my three year old aka, the Koala. 

It seems that people like to read about our misadventures, so here goes.

She is at this very moment telling me that I am such a big baby. She says this because she is trying to push me out of the desk chair so she can take control of the computer. 

The other night, she woke up claiming she had to "poop" I get her into the bathroom where after a few minutes she screams that she can't poop because her potty training broke. Then you hear her magazine fall on the floor, and she starts screaming from behind the door because she can't poop without her magazine, and she can't reach to pick it up! This was at about five in the morning!

She wakes me up every morning by beating me up, and boy is she a tough little cookie!

She just turned three, but is the size of a five year old! 

She claims to have a boyfriend named John, who in actuality is a garden statue of a boy fishing. She will sit next to him in the garden for hours, talking, and giving kisses. Nobody else is allowed to talk to John without clearing it with her first!

She is preoccupied with taking baths. She would live in the tub if I let her. I will give her a bath before dinner because she is grimy from playing outside. Then she will rub her dinner into her hair, just so I am forced to run another bath! 

She dances and sings all the time which is great and funny to watch. She even dances in her sleep, which I have to admit, throws me every time I see it. Maybe she has epilepsy??? I know she doesn't, but that's what it looks like when a three year old bust a move while fast asleep.

She gives attitude, and Never backs down from a fight! I wish I had half of her guts. 

She truly believes I am Pocahontas and I adore her for that!

She is very cuddly when she wants to be, and will just cling to you like a Koala bear, hence the name.

I spend more time with her than with anyone else on this planet. 

Gotta go, she is demanding to watch Spice world for the nine millionth time!

Walking Forward Not Looking Back

All my life I have wanted to make others happy. I always thought that it was a good quality to have. Sadly, that quality of mine has bitten me in the ass many times. 

With age and experience we all learn that our youth was spent behind rose tinted glasses. We learn who we really are, and it is not always the person we thought we were. 

Many times it is another person who shows you this in your journey, or at least opens your eyes to it. 

Some people in your life are going to want to bring you down when you are up, and, like many of you, I have allowed them to do that. 

From this point forward, I am going to allow myself to continue to move forward in my life and not look back and let circumstances or people from my past bring me down.  I am determined to be me, take it or leave it. 

I may not be who the younger version of me thought I would be, but I am happy with the person I have become. 

There are many people responsible for my present outlook on life, and although many of those people brought me pain or misery, I thank them in a way for turning me into a stronger version of myself. Also, I thank all of the people who have treated me with respect and kindness, without them, I would not have had the will to keep going. 

To all those I love, and will love in the future, thank you. 

I named this blog "Lost In My Return Of Saturn" after the astrological change that affects your life every 28 - 32 years. I truly believe that my life in some way or another is being affected, in a positive way! I can finally allow myself to be happy with something good going on, and for that I am thankful.

So, to the past, and the people I will not be journeying with anymore, I say goodbye, I have no intention of looking back, thanks for the road trip.

To those who have stayed with me, and those who will be joining the ride, Lets crank up the music and enjoy the rest, because who knows whats ahead, and how long this intense ride will last!!!

I promise, we will take a few pit stops and marvel at the worlds largest ball of twine. 

Blessings to all

Staring At Stars

I had a perfect evening  Saturday into Sunday.

So, since I  write about when I am pissy and disgruntled, I thought I would for once, write about being happy.

I had friends over for a fire and, well I suck at making, and or keeping going a fire. Luckily I had the aid of some really great people! 

Now, life recently has really sucked, but, even if for only a few hours, all of that bullshit melted away and was nothing short of magical. 

I had a lot of fun socializing, which I don't get the opportunity to do often. Lots of laughs and stories, from old friends and new. Every topic imaginable was discussed, people were nearly decapitated, trees came crashing down, It was amazing. 

I had the opportunity of spending some quality time with someone I think is great, looking at the stars and talking about all kinds of things. For the first time in a very, very long time I felt safe, and happy.  

I am really hoping nights like these turn into something more regular, fun times with great people, just enjoying life!

I recommend that all of my readers have a night like this, and take some time to stare up at the stars!

What Pisses Lizz Off

I asked for some suggestions for a new posting on my Facebook wall tonight. My good friend Lizz is the only one who responded, and boy did she!!! Let me tell you that Lizz had a beautiful newborn baby girl, which of course means she isn't getting nearly enough sleep, she also has zero tolerance for stupid people or assholes. 

Let's touch on some things that piss off Lizz.

1. People who don't own full length mirrors ~ Meaning, I think, people who apparently get dressed in the dark! WTF people, really? I don't dress like a super model, but fuck man, some people go out in public looking disgusting! By a mirror, turn on the damn lights, and if you still have trouble... only buy jeans and solid tee shirts!

2. When a man is taken, stop texting him! ~ Really, I have been in these kinds of relationships. Nothing pissed me off more than when my man would get texts all day and night from random skanky bitches. Taken means taken, not text him on the sly hoping to piss off his woman, so he will be a free agent again! Leave it alone, put the shoe on the other foot, how would you like it?

3. Dead Beat Parents ~ Just lock them all up! The court should strip them of their rights, and lock them up! Not only is it contempt of court, but it is also fucked up! You made that kid too, you are just as fiscally responsible for its welfare! If you have decided to not be a part of your kids life, shame on you, but that is your choice. Fork over a bit of money, AND NEXT TIME USE BIRTH CONTROL! If you don't want to pay, you shouldn't have played!

4. Skanks ~ I am going to make this one short and sweet, I hope they all get a STD and die!

5. Parking lots are not the Indy 500 ~ just because a speed limit is not posted, does not mean it is not implied. Please, go to the DMV, pick up a drivers ed study book, and READ! If you can't read, hand over your license! Children are in parking lots, so are the elderly. How are you going to feel when you kill someone, because you had to show off and be a fucking moron?

Those are just some of her gems, and my thoughts on them...

Comment, show Lizz some love!!!

Also, give me a hand and click on one of the ad's over on the side there, or just below this, I don't care if you buy shit from people, just click the link and then close it. 

Some Randomness

What else is new right?

So Last night, I swallowed my damn tongue ring! I have no clue where I lost all my others, I had about a dozen. 

So now, I am without my favorite piercing. This makes me sad.  By now I am sure it has closed, and my world just isn't the same. 

I know that I love the smell of bleach way too much, to the point I washed my windows with it, it worked very well, and not a germ in sight!

I think my three year old has some sort of secret energy replenishment source that I have yet to find. She acts like she is on uppers ALL the time! She is also a nudist, and I am sure she would never give me a hard time again if I would concede and allow her to live her life naked, and give away all of her clothes. She is also a giant! At my nieces birthday party last weekend another mommy was almost calling my younger sister a liar when she informed the lady that my daughter had just turned three. She really is very tall, only a few inches shorter than her almost six year old sister, who is not short. 

Right now I am listening to the song "Fuck You Right Back" by Frankie. I love this song, give it right back girl!

I am not a man hater, and I know I come across as one. The truth is I just want to be loved and respected by someone. I don't see that happening anytime soon.

I miss having long hair, I love my haircut, but have realized my hair is impossible to deal with unless I straighten it. At least when it was long, the weight of it straightened the curl a bit, now it is a frizzy football helmet unless I straighten it, and really, after chasing my crazy three year old around, why do I want to stand in front of a mirror looking at the bags under my eyes just to straighten my damn hair?

I cooked the worlds worst turkey tonight, at least everything else was okay, and I have no problem with just eating collard greens for dinner, but then again, I am not a big fan of eating, and I am really not a big fan of eating in front of other people. 

I have fish on my blog that people can feed and make them follow their mouse, I do it every time I update, I wonder if anyone else does, or if they only entertain me. 

If I could get a million tattoos I would, the feeling is great, and I wouldn't mind being walking art. To any artists out there giving out free ink, hit me up! I am not into drugs by any means, but man... the high from that is amazing!

I know I am being super friggen random right now.

I love Gwen Stefani.... I need to meet her.

I am out of my fucking skull.

Another Thing I Don't Get!

I understand that I rant a lot about men, if you don't like it don't read my blog.

This though, I really do not understand, and I talked poor Levi's ear off about it today, so now you can all hear about it. Poor Levi, having to hear all my rants before anyone else.

So..... I have come to realize that men are wimps.

It always seems to be the case that, men tell me how attracted to me they are or were weeks, months, sometimes years down the road.

Let me give you an example

Me: Hey how's it going?
Guy: Good, how has life been treating you?
Me: eh, it is what it is, how about you?
Guy: Damn girl your hot, I always thought you were hot back when.
Me: Oh?
Guy: Yeah, but you aren't really approachable you know...
Me: What? How so?
Guy: Well, I mean I never stood a chance.
Me: Why would you say that?
Guy: You know how you are, you know...
Me: Well obviously I don't
Guy: You must know your sexy, the way you walk, how you wear your makeup, the way you talk...

Etc.

I have gotten it from guys I grew up with, the same guys who called me a "dirty" even though I showered twice a day, I have gotten it from guys who were close friends with me when they had already made up their minds to not be with me, I have gotten it from guys who have girlfriends, and guys who knew at the time I had a boyfriend, guys I have worked with, all kinds....

Here is what I have to say to any guy who may be reading this, and might have an attraction to me.

*I am the most approachable person on the planet, I will talk to random strangers with no hesitation.
*I am by no means a snob, I am super down to earth, and have no feelings of being "above" anyone
*I am not as sexy as you may have convinced yourself I am, in fact, I am pretty fucking plain.
*I hangout with almost all guys, I am not afraid for one to talk to me.
*I walk like I walk, it is not sexy. You have only convinced yourself of that.
*I wear my makeup how I wear it, because it is the only way to cover up my plain face.
*If I am repulsed by you, I would have already told you.
*If I am even a smidge bit interested, you will know, I wear my emotions all over my face.
*I probably act more like a guy than most of your friends, have you heard me talk for more than 2 minutes?
*Above all else, I am more than a sexual object, if you want to approach me, there had better be more on your mind than getting laid.

So please, if you have read this, and are still interested, don't be a pussy, have a conversation with me. If you want to know if I am interested as well, ask me now, not in a month, or a year, or 16 years, Grow some balls and ask me now! Prove to me that all men do not in fact suck!!!!!

*** Also, there are some links on this blog, do me a solid and click on them for the hell of it, they pay me a few cents for you doing so, which buys me coffee, which helps me write new blogs**********

~*~*~*~*~* One last thing, how about leaving a comment with some love and sympathy for Levi, who will shortly be going deaf from my bitching all the time about how much men suck ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thoughts On The L Word

That's right people; I am going to touch on the subject of Love.

Make sure you read that with caution, I said touch on the subject. I have MANY theories on the subject this is just a tid bit on my thoughts. 

I have been putting a lot of thought into this, and here goes, agree or disagree, whatever. 

First of all let me start by informing you all that in no way do I believe in the fairy tale of love. I do not believe I am going to find the perfect person, because I do not believe there is such a thing. I know I sure as hell am not perfect, and therefore how could I ever expect to find someone who is perfect? Who the hell wants someone who is perfect anyways? We are meant to be flawed! 

So; moving on. 

I truly believe that people should not have to classify themselves into a sexual orientation and fall in love with a person of that same orientation. I do not believe anyone should be put into a box, and feel that in all parts of life. I feel strongly about this because I do not think that anyone should have to live their life and look for love based on what they classify themselves as. 

Here is a crazy idea; lets throw away Gay, Straight, Lesbian, Bi! I think, if you truly have a connection with another human, and you feel in your heart that you love them, and belong with them, then be with them. 

I understand the need for sexual attraction, and that it is an important part of a relationship, I am not saying to ignore that. I am saying that people should follow their hearts, and their souls, not the box they have put themselves in. 

And yes I am speaking about everyone, including myself. If I met another female, although to this point I would have to say that this isn't the case, and I connected with her, and felt I belonged with her, and loved her, why should I pretend that that isn't the case? In many other people’s opinion, because, for the entirety of my life I have only been in relationships with men, and have been put into the box of "straight" I should only be in a relationship with a man, and should only fall in love with a man. 

I just believe that labels are ridiculous when it comes to love. I say, love who you love and don't be afraid of what others think, don't be afraid of what you or others have decided you are. When it comes down to it, we are all humans. Yes we have different sets of parts, and different chemistry. Who the fuck cares?

I am not currently in love with anyone, and do not see that changing anywhere in the near future. 

I just think people should open their minds, and open their hearts, and stop labeling themselves or others. 

How about if, from now on we just say we are all humans. 

Yes, of course, do not fall in love with a child, and animal, or an inanimate object. I just think as adults, for once, we can just classify each other as people. 

How about we take this one step further and treat each other always as other humans, and not ever feel the need to classify ourselves or others. Not just when it comes to love, but when it comes to anything!

Here is another notion of mine when it comes to love. 

If you really love the person, here are some rules to keep them

Trust them - once that trust is gone, it can never be brought back

Treat them like they are loved - enough said I think

Don't hurt them - verbally, physically, and emotionally

Help them - in anything and everything

Remember mutual love is all that is needed, but it has to be equal.  

Typical Saturday Night

To give you all some insight on the typical Saturday night of this single Mommy, I have decided to chronicle it in a new posting... read on, this could get exciting!!!

5pm - Settle down my three year old with her new favorite movie.... Spice World.

          Throw clothes in dryer, start new load of laundry, fold and put away clothes

          Tickle torture three year old

          Paint daughters finger and toenails a disgusting shade of salmon

6pm - Decide to give in and watch iCarly with three year old.

          Do some dishes.

          Make mac n cheese for dinner.

7pm - Convince three year old that she is not allergic to mac n cheese.

           Hear from three year old again how she thinks that pumpkins are going to eat her if she sleeps.

           Remember that I have a blanket that needs to be dried, haul ass to the laundry.

           Wonder when the new episode of iCarly will be on, is it tonight, why do they make us wait.

           Inform three year old daughter that she is not a stripper.

           Wonder why three year old dances like a stripper.

           Wonder why I always lose arguments to my three year old.

           Decide my three year old is genius.

           Worry about how I am going to handle my nudist, pole dancing, argumentative three year old when she     

           turns 16.

8pm - Feel like a crappy mommy because I promised my three year old, and mother, and brother cupcakes.

          Haul ass into the kitchen to whip up a batch of Devils Food cupcakes.

          Decide to let three year old stay up late so that I have some company.

          Pry box of confectioners sugar out of hands of already crazy three year old.

          Sweep said sugar off of kitchen floor.

          Oh shit now I have to mop again.

          Remember drying blanket.

          Wonder how the cat got in the house.

          Feed cat.

          Decide to write about my typical, yes that's right I said typical Saturday night.

          Shit, cupcakes are ready!

So.... the only difference in this Saturday nights to others, is every other weekend I have my other two children  as well. Yes, then I have three little monsters running me ragged. I love them all to death! I don't mind it one bit!

Mostly, this blog is to set some people straight about what I do on Saturday nights, or any night for that matter.

Some people; many in fact believe I am a party girl, and that I party too much. I find this hilarious! I guess if you consider being covered in confectioners sugar and watching Spice Girls and iCarly a party, then hell yes, I spend a lot of time living it up!

Movie Review - Bonnie Style

Hey all of you out there soaking up my blog, here is something new. 

I am going to do a movie review for the movie The Town. This will not be your everyday type of review. Why you ask? Because it is coming from me.

The Town

Starring: Ben Affleck, John Hamm, Rebecca Hall, Blake Livley and a bunch of other people.

So this story is about four guys from Charlestown (where my mother is originally from) who are bank / armored truck robbers. They know what they are doing, partly because, Charlestown produces more bank robbers than any place else in the world! 

Well, at one such robbery, they take the branch manager hostage. Ben Affleck decides to stalk her, then fall in love with her. 

There is alot of action, and a TON on decent Bostonian accents throughout this film.

All in all a decent movie. 

Now, let me get to what I really want to talk about, that this movie set off in me. 

The way women from Massachusettts are portrayed in Hollywood.

They are for the most part portrayed as filthy, skanky, whores. They sleep in their makeup, never brush thier hair, and are uneducated and crude. Now, I understand that not all the women are portrayed like this, but take a look back at some films showing the lovely women of Massachusetts. 

Gone Baby Gone - Skanky uneducated whores, horrible mother.

The Departed - Need I say more

Fever Pitch - With the exclusion of Drew Barrymores who was not originally from Boston, all the ladies in this movie seem pretty skanky. Remember the ladies that sit near them at every game???

Mystic River - Watch it! Sean Penn is amazing, but again with the skanks!

The Crucible - Arthur Miller changed the story of the Salem witch trials around a bit... The main finger pointer Abigail Williams, is the original Massachusetts skank. No she doesn't wear makeup, but she has half the town killed for witchcraft just to get  her grubby little hands on a man old enough to be her father.

The Perfect Storm - They made Diane Lane skanky.... if you can wrap that around your pipe and smoke it.

The Pregnancy Pact - A made for TV movie about the girls of Gloucester who decided to all get knocked up at the same time in high school.

Is this a good enough example for you??? These are just ones I have seen. 

It is bad enough that New Englanders are tortured throughout life with this horrible dialect, but please Hollywood, please stop with the skanks!!!

My Nana Barbara is an amazing woman who has spent her life in Charlestown, and never once has she acted like a skank, or looked like one. My parents grew up in Massachusetts, not nasty skanks. I spent my childhood living in Mass, I don't feel I am skanky. My oldest daughter was born there, at five years old, she shows no signs of nasty. 

Maybe, next time I will write about how all people from New Hampshire are portrayed as backwoods hicks!!!!

New.... Untitled Book In The Works

I for the five billionth time since the age of ten, am attempting to write a book. 

This one (as so many other attempts on my part have been) is inspired by my favorite book of all time, Little Women by Louisa May Alcott.

I have started a new blog, to share what I write as I write it. 

I will need feedback, as, I am no writer, A fact which I am sure you all know already. 

Here is the link http://nonamelifestory.blogspot.com/

Wish Me Luck!

<3

The Mystery Of.....

As I have received no feedback on Secrets & Mysteries II, I will go with a new topic tonight. 

Yeah, unfortunately it has to do with men. It also has to do with a great big mystery!! Feedback is very important here, so after you have read this, please oh please give me some feedback. Leave a comment, hit me up on Facebook, something. This is a mystery neither I, or Scooby and the gang can get to the bottom of. 

  Okay, the idea for this post came from my Aunt. I posted on Facebook this evening about my creepy stalker, and then asked if I should do Secrets & Mysteries III or write about the creepy stalker. She suggested I write about my creepy stalker and how it is a mystery. Which led me to this thought instead..... Hold on to your panties boys, this is gonna be a rough one. 

I have this HUGE issue of all of these creepy, loser, deadbeat guys falling for me. Not only do they fall for me but they become obsessed with me. They can't take the turn down. They can't take it that I do not want them.

Even former boyfriends can't let go. I have never been in a relationship where they didn't want me back over and over again after the breakup. To the point where they are begging on their knees and crying to me on the phone. 

I have asked Levi about this, and he has no explanation. I didn't expect that he would. 

I want to know what it is about me, that makes men crazy obsessed. Please do not think for a minute I enjoy this, or get off on this. I HATE IT! 

If I make it clear that I have no interest, please leave me alone. Do not message me every time you see me online, do not ask when we are going to hang out, and if it gets to the point that I have deleted you, do not message me, and please do not follow me around!

Please someone explain to me the reaction of these men. It is the great mystery of the world!

Free Blog Promotion - Blog and Blog resource

Secrets & Mysteries II

Good evening to all of you out there in the middle of nowhere. 

Tonight we are going to continue our (my) discussion on the many varied subjects from the book Secrets & Mysteries Of The World By Sylvia Browne. 

I have gotten some good feedback from people saying that they couldn't wait to read part II or that because of my posting they are going to purchase the book. 

Please take into account, I am only giving my own opinion to the subjects discussed in the book. These words are my own, and not those of Ms. Browne. I enjoyed her book very much, but am adding my own thoughts on the subject. 

Tonight's focus will be 

Strange Creatures

Let me start by letting you know that Ms. Browne categorizes many of these creatures under Tulpas. 

For those who have never heard of this, a Talpa is a Tibetan term for an entity created by an act of imagination. 

Lets first review the Talpas.

1. The Loch Ness Monster - Nessie, dear sweet old Nessie. Nessie was supposedly discovered by St. Columba during the mid-sixth century in what is now Loch Ness. Not until the 1930's did Nessie become the news story that she sometimes still is today. Nessie is allegedly a giant Sea Serpent chilling out in the Loch. She has never been known to hurt anyone, and has been spotted and capture my multiple forms of media. Many have turned out to be a hoax, but also, there are just as many that have come to be inconclusive. My thoughts on Nessie are that, she is an A-sexual reptile (like the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park) Meaning, she can reproduce on her own, if need be. That is why she has been hanging around the Loch for centuries. Yes I understand that no corpse has ever been spotted. I have an answer for that as well. She is also cannibalistic as a precaution. I understand that my theory is out there, but hey, it is only a theory. I didn't go to school for Biology, or any animal studies. I went for Politics, Art, and Psychology. which in a nutshell means I am a quack pot hippie!

2. Sasquatch - Sasquatch encompasses many different large hairy beasts. The Abominable Snowman, Bigfoot, or the Yeti etc. These poor creature have a bad rap. I think they are some unfamiliar animal similar to an ape. More specifically I believe them to be what humans were between the Ape and our current state of being. They are just stuck in the middle of Human evolution. Not possible you say? Well, if you buy into Darwinism, you see that not all Apes evolved into humans, so, let me pose this, what if some stopped evolving along the way? Somewhere in the middle. I like to consider Sasquatch like a brother, or sister if you will. Only, I can speak, and write about things nobody cares about, and they cannot. Do not be afraid of them, they love us. 

To me Tulpas means imaginary creature. I honestly don't think there is anything imaginary about these kinds of creatures. The have been seen, photographed, and documented. 

Again, just because we cannot explain something does not mean that it does not exist, or belong. 

If we still went by that theory, the earth would still be flat, we would still be burning innocent women for going to Satan only because we could not explain why things that were new to us were happening. We would not have airplanes, or cars, or even bicycles. Think about it. When these things could never be thought of let alone explained, what do you think people thought when actually finally seeing one???

Okay, I give, airplanes are a myth. There is no way a huge cargo bird can fly through the air, and even across the world. I have never seen one, only pictures, so it must be a myth!

See my point?

Just a little food for thought, if you could follow my ramblings. 

Let me know if you like what you read, maybe there will be a part III