Lost In My Return Of Saturn, Or Finding Myself In It?

Not going to rant, or talk about randomness, which I do quite often, just going to spew out some thoughts about where I am and where I am going.

Not that anyone cares, hell do I even care? Sometimes. 

I wonder sometimes what kind of impression I put out? What do different people pick up from meeting me? What parts of me do they see?

I wonder sometimes if anyone thinks I am attractive. Does it matter at this point? Is it all down hill from here and should I just become a shut in? Or, should I try harder?

Sometimes I just say to myself, "screw it, take me as I am or leave me the fuck alone" but other times I want to feel attractive. 

Do people get a great first impression, and then get to know me and say "this isnt the same chick" or is it the other way around?

I have regrets. painful memories, and some things hurt to think about. I want to find my center, and sometimes I think I have found it, other times it feels miles away.

I am constantly evolving as I am sure you all are. I just wonder sometimes if I will be satisfied enough to stop.

Everything people think I am, I am. These qualities have developed and evolved over time.

I am a bitch
I am a sweetheart
I am generous
I am loving
I am cold
I am quiet
I am loud
I am grounded
I am crazy

I am sure you could all add to this list, and I am sure there are a ton of other qualities both good and bad.

All I know, is at this point, I am the only person who knows it all when it comes to me. I am an open book, and like everyone else, I am just trying to find out the complexities of myself. Maybe, when I do eventually figure it all out, I will share it.

Much Love and Peace to all