Mind Fuck

Being thrown around on another persons emotional roller coaster can take it's toll! Some may say that staying on the ride is stupid, and to just get off the damn thing for my own good. I however choose to stay on the ride in hopes that the part that I don't like will just be a minor hill in comparison to the entire ride. 

It is hard to watch the person that you love go through hell knowing there is nothing you can do but watch and wait. 

Love is what gets me through each day, what helps me decide to take it all in stride. The benefits that exist when the ride is good fuels me. 

Each day brings something new. Some days are normal, with mutual love and affection. Other days I feel like a ghost, unseen, unheard, unloved. I never know what each day will bring, but I keep on keeping on just in the hopes of another day that may bring the love and joy. 

The mind fuck hurts. I know it is not intentional, therefore I forgive and try to not take it personally. Sometimes however, I can't help but to be hurt by it, because no matter how sad, or down or preoccupied I feel, I make the effort to not exclude those that I love. 

Not only in times like this does my mind feel fucked, but also my heart. 

I have to remind myself to keep on keeping on, for the good I see in the future. 

Only a minor hill on the roller coaster of life. 

Deafening Silence

This is something that I am sure that everyone will, in their time in this world experience. Deafening silence. 

You know what I mean. When there are no words spoken, but so much is said it makes you dizzy. 

Sometimes, there just are no words. Nothing left to be said because it has been said so many times, you know the words like you know your own hands. So no words are spoken, and no are explanations given from either side. 

Knowing you don't have to speak can have a peaceful feeling, having the comfort to understand without an explanation. 

Sometimes it can be maddening, and you may be taking the silence wrong, feeling guilty about something you didn't cause. Sometimes, you did cause the silence and speaking will only make a bomb explode. 

How to know how to feel is nearly impossible. 

But, then again, so is living in silence. In fact, it is painful.