For me, in everyday circumstances, bravery is easy. It wasn't always, but now, is second nature. For the most part, friends, and most acquaintances will tell you that I am brave, or that I have done some brave things. I have come to be a person many do to want to mess with. Sometimes, in fact, my bravery can be stupid and get me into situations that suck. I do have to admit that sometimes, I believe my metaphorical balls to be much bigger than they are.
When it comes to expressing my emotions however I tend to be the cowardly lion.
In my head, I am screaming out everything I want to say, good or bad.When it comes time to verbalize however, I become mute. I have tried to overcome this, to no avail.
Don't get me wrong, I have, in my lifetime expressed emotions. I can tell my children I love them with absolutely no qualms. I have, on very few occasions even cried my heart out (when nobody was looking of course).
I no longer think of myself as an Ice Queen, because, I do feel emotions, but it's the expressing them part that I am unable to do. Once I do spit out what is on my mind, I am okay from there on out, it is the initial outpouring that is a Herculean task.
Will I ever get past this? Who knows?
I could psychoanalyze myself (which I tend to do, don't ask, I am strange) and tell you that it is a fear of rejection and or a fear of emotional pain and suffering that keeps me from showing my emotions to people. That would probably be a fair analysis, but, I am just going to go with the fact that I am a little strange.
Peace and Love
B
