My soon to be Ex-Husband's brother became a father for the first time today! I am very excited for him. Mommy, Daddy, and new baby are all wonderfull I am told!
My children were more interested in their new kittens than in the fact that they have a new cousin. Is it possible to be jaded at such a young age? I worry, maybe my attitude and coldness is rubbing off onto them...
I really wasn't this cold my entire life, in fact it is new for me. Sadly, when you are treated badly by the people who are supossed to love you most in life, the hurt becomes ice, and your warmth drifts away.
I am not cold to my kids, or Levi. I think though, towards everyone else, even when I don't intend to be, I turn a cold shoulder.
I miss the warm bubbly girl I once was. Bringing her back would be possible, yet, not practical. She got walked on and spit on and abused.
Now that I have grown an icy layer, I still hurt inside, but don't let others have the satisfaction of seeing the pain. I come off as bitchy and like I don't care, to many. That isn't who I am though. I just internalize it all now, and wait to cry untill it builds up over the wall and floods.
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