Knots

My stomach is in knots all the time from constant worry.

I know others are, or have gone through this. It sucks.
I have had the knots before, but only for short periods of time. Now, there is constant worry, and so constant knots.

It is hard because everything that I am worried about is out of my control.

I am waiting, in every aspect of my life, on the decisions of others. All of these decisions will drastically change my life, and turn my world around. Either good or bad, decisions will be made.

I worry about the outcome, I worry about how I will react if it is not in my favor.

All of these decisions impact me because they are about whether or not I will keep the people I love. I try to be a rock for everyone, and be strong, and this is where I am venting my pain, the only way I know how to.

 Vaguely.

I listen, I love, I hold, and do my best to comfort. I just feel like in the blink of an eye, I could lose three quarters of the people I love most in this world, permanently.

All based on the decisions of others. I have no say, I just have to sit here and hope for the best. Some situations seem as though there is no good solution. Others, there is only one good solution.

I just don't know what to do anymore. How much longer can I continue to be calm and understanding when inside I am weeping, and falling to pieces???

Peace and Love,
B