Typical Weekday Morning

Since "Typical Saturday Night" was so popular, let me continue on this saga, with... Typical Weekday Morning.

2:00 - 4:00 am - My insomniac butt starts to finally fall asleep. Usually without question, within 30 minutes of drifting off to la la land, my Koala comes into my room, switches on the light, and has some form of emergency.

5:00 am - Have given in and let her crawl into bed with me.

6:00 am - Wake up to a warm wet sensation, yes that is correct, my Koala has pissed on me. She sleeps through it, while I just can't bring myself to. Change my clothes, try to drift back off to sleep. I am a very very silly woman.

6:30 am - My mother awakens me to inform me that she needs help with her hair before work, or she needs me to find her something, or I need to go down to the creepy basement and figure out what is going on with the circuit breakers.

7:00 am - Pray to the coffee gods, and cross my fingers I have cigarettes left. The Koala is now up for the day, and there is no chance in hell in me getting any more sleep.

7:30 am - The Koala wants breakfast and a movie. She is now on a Disney kick, so it is either Tangled, or Beauty and the Beast, for mornings at least, by lunch she will want to watch Across The Universe, Or Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. She demands her special oatmeal (disgusting) and I make it for her. She then informs me I do not make it as good as her Nana, and refuses to eat.

8:00 am - I get on the computer to see what is going on in the world outside of Disney, when the Koala walks in naked telling me clothes are stupid. This Mommy decides it is bath time!

8:30 am - I am reminded by my three year old, that in my sleep deprived haze the previous night, I promised her cookies if she went to sleep like a good girl. FUCK! I don't have enough energy to bake a batch of cookies right now. Yes! we seem to be all out of eggs. When I explain this, she tells me I need to buy a chicken.

9:00 am - At this point my three year old is tramping around the house in a pair of high heels, and saying she is baby spice, and that she needs a lollipop. In the meantime, I am trying to do everything in my power to keep her quiet so that she doesn't wake up my boyfriend, or my brother.

9:15 am - As I am trying to do laundry, she undresses and puts the heels back on, escapes out the door and tries to play in the snow... NAKED! I discover my sky clad child, and vow to invent the 3 year old proof door! Fold and put away a few loads worth of laundry. Look at dishes in the sink and want to cry. How is it that I don't eat, yet get to wash two sinks full of dishes, after I cooked it as well?

9:30 am - Put on music so that I can get some cleaning done, worry about it being too loud and waking someone up. My daughter pitches a fit that she can't watch TV.

9:45 am - Phone starts ringing. Everyone and their brother has to talk to me today. God forbid I have things to do, like Laundry, dishes, chase a naked three year old. What don't these people understand? Haven't they ever had to chase a child barefoot in the snow, while someone is talking their ear off about how they didn't get to have Chinese food the night before?

10:00 am - The Koala is demanding lunch. Oh god, I just cleaned this kitchen up, and now it will be destroyed again. It is too early for lunch, I explain. I am hungry RIGHT NOW, she explains. PB&J here we come, it is easier than the impending melt down.

10:15 am - Three year old crying because the puggle ate half of her sandwich that she decided to leave on the floor.  Pellet stove decided to stop working.

10:15 - 11:00 am - Battle pellet stove while three year old rams her little car into the back of my heels. I am now covered in soot, have swollen heels, and very little patients left, but, we have heat again!

11: 30 am - Start my attempt to wake boyfriend, this will be a process. Wake him up to hear he feels like he didn't sleep. Smile and say, "I am sorry honey" let him sleep another hour. Want to pull my brain out through my nose!

So, that is my typical weekday morning. So very exciting. I am surprised I still have hair left.

Peace and Love,
B